Friday, March 18, 2011

Some People Can Sure Talk

I'm in a nail salon in Corpus Christi, Texas, getting a pedicure because I'm tired, hot and my feet hurt.

The salon owner waves me over to a chair next to a little woman in her 40s with impeccable taste in clothing, jewelry and hairstyle. I must have sat on her on button, because as soon as I'm down, she starts talking:

1. Her name is Patricia; Patty for short.
2. She's been married three times; is single now, but is looking for No. 4.
3. Buried husband No. 2's mother last week and she REALLY loved Husband No. 2's mother.
4. Loves to wear white. which her grandmother told her to wash in cold water when she uses Clorox.
5. Has lived in Corpus Christi 19 years but hates it because of its diversity.
6. Lived in a Chicago suburb until third grade.
7. Has no pets because she has white carpets.
8. Love the color coral. But not accented with black.
9. Has two pairs of glasses (and she models both), but only one with clip-on shades.
10. Is an "assistant" in a local doctor's office where, if I call, ask for Judy, not Patty, because they know her as Judy. Her full name is Judy Patricia.

And on and on and on.

I keep scooching, thinking if I turned her on, I can turn her off.

And then she asks me a question. An unusual one. Even for the pedicure chair: How's my health and what meds do I take.

What? Curious.

Fine I tell her. I'm great. My brief comment gives her time to refuel, and she's off again, this time about her employer, how wonderful he is,  how she can get me an appointment without waiting.

My eyes glaze over. She rambles, on and on and on. I nod and nod.

A pregnant woman with multiple facial piercings and a colorful tatoo the size of Ohio on her leg sits down next to me. YEA!  A reprieve! I turn to chat.

Patty taps my arm. I turn back  and then she says something that stops me cold. "If you need anything from the doctor's office, just let me know. I can get it for you without you having to pay for a doctor's visit. Just give me your cell phone number."

And, she adds: "I'm just saying, a gift certificate for another pedicure goes a long way."

EGADS. I'm stunned. What is she thinking? I could not possibly ... heavens NO! Why, I would NEVER! I CAN'T.

I only have 500 minutes a month on my phone.

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